In less than 30 days I marry the love of my life. Now we may love each other, but that doesn’t mean we agree on everything, and one point of contention has been our wedding reception entrance.
I work in marketing and at my encense, I’m an idea man. I come up with ideas and Ranna hasn’t liked any of my crazy ass ideas for our wedding reception entrance. I don’t blame her, some are pretty far out there, but some are totally badass and are destined to be future viral videos.
Without further adieu, my rejected wedding entrances
1. Mission Impossible: Paging Ethan Hunt
Dj to the crowd, “Alright everyone, let’s welcome the new bride and groom!” Out walks a bride and groom, but the crowd slowly realizes, wait that isn’t Chris and Ranna, just a girl in a white dress and a guy in a suit, imposters, what the hell?
Boom, the Mission Impossible theme music drops, “Bump, Bump, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh.” The kindly old waiter, who has been filling up everyone’s water, rips off his old man mask. That’s no old man! That’s the O-Man.
Then out of the weird statue in the middle of the room bursts Ranna in her wedding gown. Chris and Ranna meet at the center of the dance floor: mission accomplished.
2. Mortal Kombat: Couples that Fight Together Stay Together
Name a song that get’s you more pumped than the Mortal Kombat theme? I’ll wait. Okay you probably named a few (guessing a DMX track), but it still gets the juices going.
Picture this, Mortal Kombat theme drops, “MORRRRRTALLLL KOMBAt bump bump bump.”
Out come me and Ranna, but uh oh also out of nowhere comes Sub Zero and Scorpion (well two dudes in their costumes). As newly minted husband and wife we square off against the party crashing ninjas. Ranna takes on Scorpion, dodges a “GET OVER HERE!” spear, and gives the undead warrior a Ranna chop (anyone on the Figawi 2013 trip will remember Ranna chop). I’ve been fighting Sub Zero and people can’t tell if it’s me or Johnny Cage out there, shadow kicking everywhere, running up walls, doing backflips.
Finally, we end up back to back fighting, where we defeat the blue and yellow warriors with our finishing move. We then strike a cool fight pose and end it. Fatality.
3. Star Wars Theme
Actual conversation:
I was walking Hunter and I said to Ranna on the phone, “Hey I think I found our answer, I got this classical song that is really regal and upbeat. It sounds triumphant and joyous”
Ranna replies, “Oh really what song, how does it go?”
Me, ” Duh nuh du du du nuh dadada nuh.”
Ranna, “Your singing the Star Wars theme. I’m not doing Star Wars.”
Me, “It’s not Star Wars.”
Ranna, “Swear to god it’s not.”
Me, “Can’t her you babe, your breaking up, talk to you later sweety.”
I think this entrance would be badass. I’m basically Ranna’s Han Solo, she is my princess Leia, and Robichau is our Chewbacca (imagine Roba in a Wookie costume). Rejected, but still hope there might be a return of the Jedi.
4. Who let the dogs out
Just unleash a pack of dogs into the reception, lead by Hunter, and come out with a sign saying “Chris and Ranna let them out!” Then the dogs join us on the dance floor on their hind legs where we all do a doggy cha-cha line. A woof of a time!
Alright back to my crash wedding dieting. See ya in June!
Off the Rip 
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