Meeting Steel Panther in Vegas

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Steel Panther kicks ass. If you haven’t listened to them or gone to a live show, you’re missing out on good music & tons of laughs.

Steel Panther is a modern day 80’s hair-metal band with raunchy songs like their masterpiece: Asian Hooker. Now it’d be one thing if they were just a joke band, but these guys CAN PLAY. They were all in popular 80’s bands and Satchel (lead guitar) even taught guitar as a college professor, he shreds. Michael Starr, lead singer, can hit all the high notes, Stixx Zdinga, drummer, whales and Lexxi Foxx, bass, stands there and looks pretty (he can play, but that’s one of their major inside jokes that Lexxi is dumb).

I’ve been pretty much obsessed with Steel Panther for the past 4-5 years and seen them live 2 times before Vegas. They’ve been a point of contention for me and my girlfriend, as she doesn’t care for their lyrics, “So I did a lil blow baby, get off my back, it’s not like I’m smoking crack” and at the shows, mad girls dump em out.

Onto how we ended up hanging with the band. We randomly planned a Vegas vacation with no idea Steel Panther was going to be there. The week before we left, I joked that I got her tickets, but she said I’ve already seen them enough and she wanted to go to one of those weird acrobat shows that cost $300. Well after a few drinks the first night, I somehow bought us Steel Panther tickets and promised the rest of the vacation, we could do whatever she wanted.

We had a good first night, Ranna actually killed it on the Blackjack tables, and the second night it was time for M’F’n Steel Panther! They were playing at the House of Blues in the Mandalay Bay, so we took the monorail there, crushing beers in the open (so different out there). I was nervous our tickets wouldn’t work because they were digital on my phone (something always seems to screw me over when I’m about to do something I love), but alas we were in and ready to rock.

We got a good spot and I told my gf to hold onto to it while I used the bathroom. The bathroom had those attendants that you throw $1 and you can use their axe body spray or have a piece of gum. I forgot to do my hair so I was like, “Oh okay, I’ll give a buck and do my hair.” I grab the aerosol can, start spraying down my hair and the guy goes “Bro that’s deodorant!” and hands me the hairspray. I then for some reason spray the hairspray directly in my eyes and the whole bathroom breaks out in laughter.

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Now back to the show. They had a few openers and we were all ancy to feel the steel. The curtains opened and out rocked Steel Panther. They hurried through a few of their hits and then got into some of their comedy. If you go to a Panther show its half music, a quarter comedy (better than most standup) and a quarter boobies (girls dump em out all over). They tore the house down and even had Corey from Slipknot come out and sing a song (here’s the video of that).

Now after the last song I’m chilling with Ranna, she’s now a converted Fanther (Steel Panther Fan), finishing our drinks. She asks when we were gonna leave and I was stalling a little bit to see if the band would come out. Then all of a sudden the lead singer comes back from backstage and points to a party of 6 and the bouncer starts to let them backstage. Without hesitating I put my head down and try to be part of the group (I thought the bouncer would recongize me because I had already made the joke from Wayne’s World 2 to him, My Girlfriends Back there, Man a lottta guys’ girlfriends are back there). But I make it past the bouncer: I’m backstage.

BUT I LOOK BACK AND NO RANNA. She didn’t follow me through and now I’ve made it backstage, but left my bae behind. I have a quick thought of oh she’d understand It’s my favorite band!!, Then I think bro, you gotta go get her, she wouldn’t do it to you (probably would now that I think of it), don’t leave her behind.  I walk back out, tap the bouncer on the shoulder, point at her and go “I don’t know who that girl is, but the lead singer told me to get her” the bouncer motions at her to come backstage and holds the door for her.

OMG, we both made it back; we let that sink in for a few moments. So right now were in the midst of roadies breaking down the stage and random people walking around and I eye the VIP lounge. Inside it’s Steel Panther, Corey Taylor from Slipknot and a bunch of other people. I tell my girlfriend were going in and she says “No!! Were gonna get found out!” I go, “Baby, we’re at the one yard line, we run it.”

I grab her hand and walk in. The eyes turn to us  like who-the-f-these-people and I say, “Hey I’m Chris from Boston, the show kicked ass, this is my girlfriend Ranna, her Dad’s a part owner of House of Blues Boston (popped in my head cuz that’s where they play in Boston).” I was expecting to hear crickets, but right away I hear a “Hey what’s up man” and it’s Michael Starr, the lead singer. JESSSSSSSUUUUSSSSS CHRISTTTTTTT WE’RE IN.

Now this wasn’t a quick we were in there and we were out, we straight chilled with them. The lead singer of Elvis Monroe, Bryan Hopkins was wicked cool as was his model girlfriend. I got into a conversation with Michael Starr and asked him all about their music (my girlfriend got embarrassed when I mentioned she used to not like them, but he couldn’t of been nicer and told her to not to take the lyrics seriously). He asked my opinion on deflategate and I got a few laughs out of him. I asked what his fav Steel Panther record was and he said the first one because people know songs from it, even if they’re not familiar with the band. He was about to tell me about how they used to be Metal Skool a cover band, but I finished his sentence and he was pumped I knew about their old band. Also, two funny gaffes that happened, Ranna asked a groupie if she was one of their wives (ROCKSTAR LIFESTYLE BABE Chill!) Also, a girl we had met at the show with her boyfriend was backstage with her guy nowhere in sight, trying reaaaaal hard to impress the band.

Overall they couldn’t of been cooler guys. Michael said it was time for him to go and I said I gotta ask you one more question, “Do you like South Park?” (Steel Panther and South Park are two of the few things that make me laugh). He grabs my arm stares me dead in the eyes and says, “I love South Park and Family Guy, you like Family guy right?”. BOOOM We Were Best friends.

Such Best Friends We Even Recorded this Video

Ranna and Michael Starr

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Walking out I was on cloud nine. We ended up hitting up the Hooters Casino for cheap blackjack and won around $400 (I kept getting yelled at for accidentally swearing, Bro its 4am at Hoooters, not a family place). When we finally left and walked out Ranna was horrified, “It’s light out, I can’t believe it’s light out.” Babe, that’s the rock-star lifestyle.

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